Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Motivation is a fickle thing.

I can't get a grasp on what keeps me motivated at times and what makes that fade other times.  Why is it sometimes the image of my own potentially flat belly and firm, toned legs is my compelling driving force, and other times a big fat buttered bagel is my driving force?  Why is it that when either image takes over my mind, I don't really care much about the other image?  It pales in comparison at those times.  I like to think that I can balance this out, and the WW pts system allows me to do that without giving either up, but honestly, when I'm at my coffee shop ordering a buttered bagel or a scone,  I'm in a very different place mentally and emotionally then when I'm lacing up my sneakers for a workout.  I'm facing in a different direction.  Maybe that's what I need to work on now.  Making those 2 situations mesh more, so this process doesn't feel like a battle of wills.  I'd like to make my motivation an ever-present thing, even when I sensibly go ape-sh*t and use up most of my flex pts for the week in one sitting.  I still want to be aware that I care about and am working towards my goal BMI/weight/look, but that enjoying foods I love can be a part of that in moderation. 

Now I'm sitting here thinking of working out (which I'm in the mood for right now), and bagels (which I'm also in the mood for right now.)  And it feels like a good vs. bad kind of thing in my mind.  Responsible vs. irresponsible.  Success vs. failure.  Control vs. loss of control.  Does it have to feel like this?  Does becoming more accepting of bad diet choices mean I'm less motivated?  Is that the path to becoming one of those obese women who post anti-skinny blogs and spew on about how much more "real" a woman they are due to their greater circumference?  (I'm not a fan of skinny either, but "real" women aren't judged, and don't judge, by  size.)

My motivation level is everything in this endeavor to lose weight.  What I eat, when/how I excercise - they're the tools, but my motivation or lack of is what makes it happen or not.  I'd kinda like to get a grip on what's going on with mine, and how many of the thoughts flying around in my mind are excuses, ignorance, or little pearls of wisdom - perhaps???

No comments:

Post a Comment