Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A bit of personal history - my motivation lately.

I'm really seeing noticeable results all of a sudden, and I'm so psyched about it!!  The parts of my lower abs and backs of my legs with cellulite are looking more out of place now.  I see my muscles working in the mirror during my workouts, and that layer of dimply flab jiggling over it just gets in the way and looks like it wants to break free and find safer ground elsewhere.  IT KNOWS I'M GOING TO DESTROY IT!  It's quivering in fear.  haha!

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So now I want to tell you guys something personal, but it's very highly motivating for me, and I have to share it b/c I'm succeeding and it's approaching.  I have a pretty horrible ex-husband.  I didn't believe in divorce and hung in there a lot longer than I should have.  When I finally filed for divorce he swore I'd lose everything, and he's spent the years since trying to make good on that threat - worst of all, by trying to change our custody agreement and take our daughter away from me to his new home, 1,000 miles away.  (Literally...980-something miles away, where he moved voluntarily, despite the fact he has a daughter here he rarely sees.)  In each of our 3 (yes, THREE!) custody cases in court in the years after the divorce, he had his parents and one sister there with him, helping him plot, standing by in court, glaring at me as if I'd done something horrible by not just giving in to him, posting crap on facebook, and urging my daughter to say this or that so that she could still have her dad in her life.  (Gotta love that logic. How about not moving 1,000 miles away so the child doesn't have to feel responsible for choosing between her parents?)

One of his less-offensive siblings has 3 kids who I ADORED while we were family.  I watched them grow up, we vacationed together, etc.  I've missed them a lot, but I keep my daughter close with them by dropping her off for visits and whatnot.  The eldest (my favorite) is getting married this summer, and my daughter is a bridesmaid.   She told me she misses me and asked if I'd be willing to come to her bridal shower in June.  Of course I would love to!!!  Even though I have to see the particularly bitchy sister and former mother-in-law, who have been pretty horrible...actually, I think worse than anything they've said or done during all of these years of garbage (since none of it worked out for them anyway) has been their simple failure to STOP supporting and encouraging ex's crap,  and to say "let it go, for your daughter's sake" to this angry, controlling, sociopathic son/brother of theirs who SO needed some calming down rather than egging on.  I have to see them all...

I want to look strong, confident, unfazed, and not at all worn down or destroyed, as they seemed to join my ex in trying to accomplish.  I have my daughter, and she's ...well, she's 14 and stubborn and moody so let's be real here - I can't really say it's a bed of roses.  But I love her and will never give up on raising her to the best of my ability, and when she's done being a rotten teenager, we'll be quite chummy, I'm sure.  Plus, I have the most amazing fiance now, and we're planning to be married later this year.  (Another big motivation story there...)  Even though I'm in a financial pit after all the court battles, I'm really happy and excited about my life, and ex's garbage hasn't ruined a thing.

I want to look great at this shower with all these ....bitches.  There, I said it.  They'll probably be taking lots of pics too, and I'll likely end up tagged on facebook where ex's 2nd wife (who is such a miserable bitch to me, to my girl, and to everyone else, that they aren't even inviting her) will see me.

Yes, it's all shallow and not coming from a mature, moral or even particularly dignified frame of mine.  But still.  This is what's going through my mind, along with the fact that I'm psyched to see my ex-niece, the beautiful bride-to-be, and to be a part of her celebration.

One month - today.  It's enough to make me lift the heavier dumbells and look past the bagels in the coffee shop window.  :)  I think I may be sorta lucky to have such a great motivation going on.

Oh but that's just the start.  Later on I'll tell you guys the fiance motivation stuff.  That's the biggy! :)


  1. First: Congratulations on being engaged and soon to be married!

    Second: Your ex-husband et al <----wow, three court cases? Lots of psychopathology there. How unfortunate for your ex-niece.

    Third: Living well (and looking well) is the best revenge! From your recent progress photo, you look uhmazing and I can only imagine how awesome you will look in a month. AND if you're happy and you show it, well....deep down, you know that will drive them all nuts. He-he-he. Make them drop their jaw when they see you!

    1. Thank you for that, Raeesa!

      Technically, twice the custody petition was brought up amidst other issues and not really addressed head-on by the judge. We ended up trying to rearrange visitation those 1st two times instead, and dealt primarily with other issues. The last time though he'd convinced my daughter to get involved in it, and to say she wanted to "try" living with him for awhile. Since she was 12 then, her legal guardian had to represent her wishes in court. Ugh - a nightmare... No one seemed to care that she was being manipulated. So we had to do a very long, very expensive psych evaluation and repeated court appearances. Thankfully, the psych eval. clarified a lot for the people with the power to put an end to this garbage. And that's just what they did. :)

  2. I so agree with everything Raeesa said. Going and looking great and looking (and being) happy will be the best revenge! :)

  3. Motivation is motivation so go for it!! Looking good is the best revenge.

    Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. I honestly can't even imagine going through what you have gone through - and you are coming out stronger and better for it!!

    I think it's really great that you are putting aside the bs of having to deal with your former in-laws for the sake of your favorite niece. :) I lost a favorite aunt because of a divorce and because my uncle was my 'blood' I was not allowed to stay in contact with her. I was too young when this all happened to have much of a say in it. I just know that I missed my cousins and my aunt. Cut to the magical wonder of Facebook 20 years late and I have my aunt and my cousin back!!! So I can imagine how important your presence is to your niece. I'm teary just thinking about it!!

    And I was pretty horrible from the age of 14-20, but now my mom is my bff and I'm sorry I wasted all those years being nasty. But it's all part of the process, I guess.

    Congrats on the engagement!

  4. OMG girl, I wish I had caught up on your blog sooner.

    I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time with the ex and his family. I can't say I know what you're going through, but from the sounds of it, you've got things under control. =) You sound almost happy telling us this really personal info about you... and that's a good thing.

    I don't think your reasoning/motivation for this story is bad at all... come on now, we live in such a judgmental society where looks do matter. And I think people are lying when they say they're only losing weight to be healthy... a little of it is to look better too. Heck I know that was one of my reasons to start losing weight.

    Anyway, I'm so proud of where you're taking your training and health. KEEP IT UP!! You're my inspiration!

    And can't wait to hear about the fiance story. =)

  5. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through such a tough situation. You've come out stronger in the end, for sure. Someone once told me that "Surviving well is the best form of revenge" and I definitely keep that in mind as a source of motivation. You already look great, but knowing that this event is coming up will be an extra source of motivation for you - can totally do this and put the rest of them in their place.

    Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding - looking forward to hearing the story :)